If you are obedient, you will get candy. What is parenting manipulation

"If you behave yourself, I'll buy a doll." “If you don’t get naughty at the dentist’s, you’ll get your favorite chocolate.” Parents often promise their children a reward in exchange for something. But experts note that such an approach can lead to sad consequences. Svetlana Polyakova, a psychologist at the Zhuravushka family center, spoke about this in more detail.

Why bother when you can beg
“If such rewards become a habit, become fixed and become an integral part in the life of a family, then they can adversely affect the further fate of the child,” the psychologist believes.

The baby develops confidence and understanding that in this way he will always sell his good behavior and receive a reward for everything: for eating tasteless soup, for cleanliness in the room, for receiving an A.

On the one hand, it looks like you are teaching your child to some kind of social norms. But in fact, he develops the skills of blackmail and extortion, and most importantly, the understanding that all values, both material and spiritual, can be bought. “Over time, the child will become confident that everything can be achieved without much effort. And when he does not get what he expected, an internal conflict will arise, ”says the specialist.

Solving the problem - changing motivation
In order for the child to comply with your request, his motivation must be changed. For example:

“We will buy you a toy if you don’t cry” - manipulation .

“Now we will quickly do all the necessary things, if you don’t cry, and then we will have a little more free time to watch cartoons or games” -  motivation .

"If you give your toys to other children, I will buy you candy" - manipulation .

“Show and share your games with other kids. It will be interesting for you to play and you will have a fun time ” -  motivation .

Parental attention is the best reward
When a child feels a lack of close connection with his parents, he may scream and demand to buy a toy, thereby trying to communicate with the parents. Try not to fulfill the baby's request - do not buy the required item, cancel the reward for smoothing out the stressful situation. The article was prepared by the service pay for homework


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